Burnout, Balance and Coming Back

Fall 2025: Life Got Loud

The end of 2025 was a wild ride. I started a new contract position in September, and it demanded more focus than I expected. I genuinely thought I'd be able to keep balancing everything - content creation, streaming, the gym, family - but real life had other plans.

Between the new job, family health issues, and some heavy emotional baggage resurfacing, my consistency quietly fell apart. I managed to keep up with work and the gym, but that was about it. Everything else slowly slipped into maintenance mode.

Streaming, Servers, and Second-Guessing

September marked the 28th anniversary of Ultima Online, so I did what any longtime UO player would do - I explored. I checked out the official shards and spent time experimenting with different servers. In October, I dove into UO Unchained, which I personally enjoyed.

But here's the tension every creator knows well:
what _you_ enjoy versus what _your community_ wants.

Most of my audience wanted Outlands. Balancing my own curiosity with keeping the community engaged wasn't easy, and I never really found my footing during that stretch.

November: The Midlife Crisis Arc

By November, I hit what I can only describe as “midlife crisis mode.” I had zero desire to play UO at all.

Instead, I went all-in on MEGABONK.

And when I say all-in, I mean _all-in_. I played it obsessively until I 100%'d every achievement on November 17th, then immediately uninstalled it. A week later, a patch dropped with new content and achievements… but per my wife's instructions (and probably for the best), I haven't reinstalled it yet. That game had a grip on me.

From Contract to Full-Time

Also in November, my contract role turned into a full-time position. I'm now a lead developer responsible for product delivery in the legal software space, and I'm fully committed to succeeding in that role.

I kept telling myself, _“I need to make content.”_
But the truth is, I just didn't have the energy to give it what it deserved.

Outlands dropped a new patch while I was still deep in MEGABONK, so I checked it out briefly - but I wasn't fully back in the UO headspace yet. The cycle continued.

The Weight of the Holidays

November and December are hard months emotionally.

Both of my parents have passed away, and the holidays bring that loss into sharper focus. My kids miss their grandparents. My youngest never even had the chance to really know them. Trying to stay grateful while carrying grief is difficult - but it's also necessary.

In December, Outlands released their seasonal drop, which at least gave me a clear in-game goal: grinding for the scepter. Christmas and New Year's came and went faster than I expected, as they always do.

January: New Challenges, Old Weight

January brought something new - I started a 9-week AI-focused course, which has been both exciting and demanding. On top of that, we've had brutal weather that kept us locked inside for weeks.

Between work, streaming, family, and this course, I fell off the gym wagon. I'm working on getting back to it, but I'm not pretending it's been easy.

I also still need to finish settling my father's estate and that's been quietly weighing on me more than I'd like to admit.

So… What Now?

This post turned into more of an update than I planned - but maybe that's okay.

I haven't disappeared and I haven't quit. I've just been navigating a season where priorities shifted, energy was limited, and life demanded more than expected.

If you've stuck around, checked in, or even just wondered where I went - thank you. I'm still here, still building, and slowly finding my rhythm again.